Monkey See, Monkey Do

It was grocery shopping day.  I was returning home with a car load of groceries that included quite a bit of perishables. I had stocked up on frozen foods and had also purchased some fresh fish. I had a twenty minute drive home on the freeway and I didn't want to waste any time getting home to put my groceries away.

Five minutes into my trip home, the freeway traffic came to a sudden stop.  I was assuming there must be road construction going on, or possibly a vehicle accident. I couldn't see what was happening. I was hoping no one was injured, but I was starting to get concerned about the defrosting that was happening in the back of my car.  Was I starting to smell something fishy?  I was hoping it was just my worried imagination.

As I was watching up ahead, I saw a police car drive across the median.  The police car pulled into the left hand lane of the two lane freeway.  The traffic that had been at a standstill, was now inching forward as a few cars were starting to exit the freeway.  As I slowly got closer, I could see the policeman had his lights flashing and his car parked sideways in the left lane.  We were creeping along at a snail's pace and I could see we were going nowhere fast.  The clock was showing it had already been at least 30 minutes and I had moved about five car lengths.  I was picturing the dripping and running of juices all over the back of my car.

Everyone that had been in the left hand lane were forced to merge into the right lane when we came upon the police car that was blocking that lane.  One by one, I watched several cars in front of me drive back into the left lane after they had passed the police car.  I don't know why I always assume other people know what they are doing. Sometimes I give other people the benefit of the doubt and more credit than I should, way too fast.  I guessed they must know something I didn't since they confidently pulled in front of the police car. When the car in front of me drove back into the left lane, I thought well, I'm not going to be stuck in this right lane.  I'm going to follow all those smart people that undoubtedly knew what they were doing.  Besides, I was sure I must have food leakage leaving a trail behind my car.

I finally passed the police car and promptly followed the car in front of me back into the left lane. We were again at a stop, so I leaned back and relaxed because I knew I was in the "smart" lane and we would soon be moving. Knowing there was nothing I could do to hurry this traffic jam along, I cranked up the radio and enjoyed some tunes.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw something in my side view mirror. It was the police officer walking up to my car.  I immediately sat up, turned my radio off and lowered my window. There stood Mr. Police Officer.  He said hello and  I returned the courtesy and gave him a friendly smile. I thought he must be bored and wants to chat.  I was ready to talk about all the people in the right hand lane that didn't know to follow the other cars, when he started to speak. 

"Ma'am ... do you think I parked my patrol car back there, blocking the lane, just so everyone would have something to drive around?" Slumping down in my seat, I sheepishly replied, "I was just following the other cars." In a very polite, but frustrated tone, Mr. Police Officer said, "If I could be blunt, all it takes is one idiot to do something stupid and.....  I raised my hand to stop him and said, "allow me ..... and all the other idiots follow him?" At that point we both laughed and he shook his head in agreement.  He proceeded to tell me there was a wreck up ahead in the left hand lane, and I had probably just added a lot more time to my wait because now I had gotten out of line.  Mr. Officer nicely told me to get back into the right lane when I could and hopefully the wreck would be cleared soon.  I thanked him (I'm not sure why. Maybe for not beating me with his club out of frustration.) He told me have a nice day and walked away.  I'm glad stupidity isn't against the law.

I looked over my right shoulder into the eyes of the driver of an 18 wheeler truck.  He motioned for me to get in the right lane ahead of him.  I'm sure he was thinking not only was I a woman driver, I was blonde on top of that. The truck driver must have thought, poor thing she didn't have a chance, I better help her out. I waved a thank you and pulled into the right hand lane.  In a few more minutes I was where I could exit the freeway to find another route home.

I finally made it back home.  I unloaded all my wet, defrosted, limp groceries into the house.  I couldn't be too upset about the food because there was a bright side.  At least Mr. Police Officer didn't handcuff me and haul me off to the pokey.  My mugshot wouldn't have a number under it, all it would say is "idiot." I'm sure they have a special cell for people like me.  It's probably padded.