Guilty As Charged

I admit it. I don't even have to wait on the judge and jury to come back with a verdict. I am guilty as charged. I hereby confess that I am a speed demon. Put me behind the wheel of a car and I immediately feel like I'm running late. Not to mention each time I'm trying to get somewhere, every snail that has a license to drive is nonchalantly coasting down the road with nary a clue I'm trying to pass them.

I've just been written a few speeding tickets in my thirty some-odd years of driving, and I am definitely lucky that it's only been a few. My darling, sweet, patient, understanding husband (hopefully that was enough adjectives to keep my man in a good mood), has told me time and time again I had better slow down.  As he finishes his "you've got a lead foot" lecture, I always smile innocently, bat my eyes a couple of times and tell him, "Of course I'll slow down... anything for you darlin'..." and he in return, shakes his head while muttering something under his breath. As Richard walks off... I know I'm better off not knowing what he said.

Richard drives like a proverbial grandpa. He always cautiously drives the speed limit, very rarely passes anyone, and would probably win the "Car Courtesy" award for always letting everyone have the right-of-way... whether they actually have it or not. Richard does not get in a hurry to go anywhere. He has that laid back type of personality who will never die from the effects of stress, while I on the other hand, stay stressed over his lack of stress. I have been known to lean forward in the passenger seat of our vehicle while Richard is driving in hopes it would help us get there faster.

Another nice quality of Richard is his generosity. A couple of years ago, on top of all the other donations Richard regularly gives, he decided to start donating to the Texas Highway Patrol Association. I don't know why... the telephone solicitor probably called one evening while he was watching a movie involving a highway chase scene and he was rooting for the cops...

So each year we receive two of these beautiful car adornment stickers. Now, don't be jealous because you too can have a set of these lovely stickers for the price of a hefty monetary donation. Not just anyone can have the privilege of being a "Gold Supporter" but, I suppose it's better than being an "Athletic Supporter."

Anyway... he put this ugly, I mean distinguished, looking sticker on my back windshield without telling me. Well, I marched right back in and told him I did not want that thing on my car! Richard in his always taking care of me tone, said "I put it on there for you... so you wouldn't get a ticket." At the moment I didn't care about anything except it was not aesthetically pleasing to my eye. Even though there wasn't anything cute about it, I said I guess it can stay there. 

A couple of weeks later I noticed my "Ticket Protection Sticker" was gone. I asked Richard what happened to it and he told me he took it off because I said I didn't want it on there. I couldn't believe it. I felt like he had just taken my supersonic force shield off my car! Now I was wide open for a ticket and was driving around with a target on my car instead of an ugly sticker. Being the thoughtful husband that he is, Richard said he would take the sticker off his truck and put it on my car. Well, at least I would be protected once again.

A few days later I was driving to a doctor's appointment when I happened to look up at my rear view mirror. There's nothing quite like the feeling you get in your stomach when you glance up and see the flashing lights of a state trooper car that's bearing down on you like you've just robbed a Dunkin' Donuts.

As the state trooper was writing my ticket, all I could think of was Richard had forgotten to put his truck sticker on my car! If I had had my "Ticket Protection Sticker" on my car I wouldn't be getting a ticket now would I. So as bad as I felt about getting a ticket and having to throw myself on the mercy of the court of Richard... it was actually his fault I got the ticket in the first place!

Somehow I don't think my logic would hold up in a court of law. But, in the court of Richard I can plead innocent and get away with it. Richard has now put his sticker on my back windshield. I feel better now... and I don't think Richard has any speeding tickets in the future... his or mine.