Control

I like being in control. It makes me feel safe. Being in control means I don't like surprises and I don't appreciate new experiences or places. I don't even like going to new restaurants without someone that has already been there. Do you seat yourself or wait to be seated, what's good on the menu, do you pay at the table or at the register? Too much stress, I'll stay home and eat my PB & J. So I'm not a spontaneous, fly by the seat of your pants type of girl. Sound dull and boring? Sounds safe and orderly to me... all my ducks in a row.

I want to be in control all the time. The last time I mowed the yard, I was using a self propelled mower. The "propel" was so powerful that I felt like it was racing around the yard in circles, I was running behind it, legs flailing in the air, white knuckles hanging on for dear life. I thought, enough of that lawn mower being in control, I'll show it. I shut the self propel off and with everything I had pushed that mower all over the yard. I ended up laying over the handle to make it go...but I was in control.

I've always said I have a birth defect. I was born without a sense of direction. No really, Richard says if he ever wants to get rid of me, he's going to take me to the mall and spin me around and run. It'll be years before I find my way out of there...Anyway, before anyone starts a telethon for me, Ive learned to cope with my defect. Mainly writing down directions and keeping them with me. I know the GPS is the direction technology of today but then I would have to give control over to that little box. I can't trust it. What if it short circuits and I end up at a unknown destination? The horror! The sense of panic I feel when I'm lost, is not so much due to being afraid I'll be wandering around aimlessly for the rest of my life, but the sense of not being in control of my destiny.

The problem with being a "control freak" is that I really don't want to be in control. I'm so much more relaxed being a passenger than a driver. I don't even want to be in the car when I'm driving trying to get somewhere, but I haven't figured out a way around that yet. I've proven to myself many times that I can't be trusted to get where I want to go, so why do I want to be in control? How freeing it is to let go and let someone else lead the way. But who can you trust?

Since human error seems to be common to man, I'm going to trust my GPS - God Promises Safety. Psalm 32:8 says "I will instruct you and teach you in the way you should go; I will counsel you and watch over you." So when I'm feeling lost, it doesn't mean I'm alone or lost. It just means I've taken a detour and I'm just not where I'm going yet. Isaiah 48:7 says...."I am the Lord your God...who directs you in the way you should go." How comforting to know my life has been mapped out and all I have to do is follow the path laid before me. If I continue to follow God's lead I'll end up right where I wanted to be all along.

So even if I need a map to find my way out of the garage, I'm so thankful I have my GPS.
Proverbs 3:6 "In all ways acknowledge Him; and He will make your paths straight." I can't get lost on a straight path! Or can I?....