Under Surveillance

Have you ever had the feeling you were being watched? That uneasy feeling that makes you slowly turn around to see who or what is stalking you? It is an uncanny, intuitional sense that is too weird for words. You can't actually feel sight, but there is an eerie feeling that comes over you when you are being "watched." Kinda of makes you shudder with goosebumps!

Well, I feel like I'm under surveillance and my husband Richard is the spy. He doesn't mean to. He doesn't even realize he's doing it. But it's driving me CRAZY and I don't have that far to go! On my Top 10 list of things Richard does to get on my nerves, looking at me has just moved into the number one position. This really brings back memories of me and my siblings aggravating each other by just looking at the other one. Does "Mom, she's looking at me. Make her stop!" sound familiar to anyone?

At any given time, I can look up and find my husband gazing upon me. I would love to believe it's because my beauty is a sight to behold, but I know better than that. The look is more of a "what is she doing now" look. When we were in the truck this morning heading for church, I am doing my usual Sunday morning routine. Every time I get in the truck, I put my Bible on the dashboard, put my purse in my lap, take out my lipstick and commence to try to make my non-existent lips look like a have some color in the flip down visor mirror. After that, I start digging through my bottomless pit of a purse, trying to find my hand lotion. After I become greasily, soft and supple, I look at Richard looking at me and say, "What?" He usually answers, "Nothing, I was just looking at you. Am I not suppose to look at you?" I do this same thing every Sunday and every Sunday he watches me like this day will be the day, I pull a gun out of my purse instead of my lipstick and say "Pull over buddy, your money or your life." First of all I know how much he is worth alive and dead, so the question doesn't need to be asked! And second, I've got too much other necessary stuff in my purse like gum, Kleenex and perfume to fit a gun in there!

There are also other times he just walks up and stands there. He's almost always smiling as he gives me the eye, but it's still unnerving. I feel like he is expecting me to spontaneously combust. Or, I might just implode, or heaven forbid I explode and he's trying to figure out how he's going to clean the bits and pieces of me off the ceiling. Just a minute ago Richard came in from outside and was standing across the room looking at me type on the computer. As I turned around with my usual, "What?" He said, "I was just seeing what you were doing." As he came toward me, I covered up the computer screen with both hands. He laughed as he walked past me to the patio door, to nonchalantly look in the backyard.

I don't know if I'm the most interesting person he knows or the most perplexing. My guess would be perplexing. He just never knows what I'm going to say or do next. That's the way I like it. Someone has to keep Richard on his toes. I'm thinking of going incognito. Maybe that will really confuse him! If you see a man walking around with a confused stare on his face, please send Richard back home. Thank you.