Independence Day

I miss my baby Austin. I don't know where he went. The Austin I remember would bring me the same book over and over, and say "Read book?" He would then turn around, and back himself up to me, so I could pick him up and sit him on my lap. He would sit there far longer than I wanted to continue reading, because after 429 times of reading "Where's Clifford?", I knew where Clifford was, and frankly wished he would find a new hiding place. But, because there was absolutely no way I could say no to that sweet face, smiling up at me saying "Again?", I would read until his heart's content. Now when he comes over, we get to snuggle at naptime and read a story, but other than that he is much too busy. There are too many things to do and such a short time to do them in.

Austin used to sit in his chair and let you spoon feed him whatever he was having to eat. He was such a good eater! A baby who eats well is always a shock to me because when I fed my babies, it was a battle of the wills. Neither one of them would eat much of anything and I'm still wondering how they survived on their diet of cereal and applesauce. At mealtime now, when I try to give Austin a bite, he turns his head and says "Don't like it!", but if I hand him the spoon and let him do it himself, he suddenly has a change of taste.

We have gone from playing with measuring cups and spoons as the favorite toys, to cars, trucks and blocks. Austin now loves to "built" as he calls it. He builds blocks up just so he can knock them down. The engineer gene in him wants to build bridges, ramps and tunnels so his bucket of vehicles can go over, across and through.

It wasn't that long ago, I used to be able to pick Austin up and take him anywhere I wanted him to go, not now. If Austin gets picked up, it feels like you are trying to contain an octopus with all eight arms going in different directions. As he pushes to free himself, he says "I get down. I walk." As he slides down, and I watch him run ahead, my heart aches a little.

I have two conflicting emotions going to war with each other. I want him to stay a baby and grow up at the same time. I usually get to see Austin once a week, that is if the planets line up just right and life allows it. I anxiously look forward to his time with me because it feels so far in between visits. It's not like when it was your own babies and anywhere you looked, there they were. I remember the days when I would have loved a break from baby world. But when I only get a few hours a week with Austin, I try to fill up my baby tank to last me until the next visit.

At work the other day, as I was telling Laurie about Austin, she reminded me that I love independent children. The kids that come into my classroom well adjusted, able to tell Mommy goodbye and are not afraid to try new things, are my kinds of kids. I like the saying, "You are not raising children, you are raising adults." From the time we start teaching them to eat by themselves, drink out of cup, walk, potty train, play, etc., we are weaning them off of their dependence on us. No one wants to see a grown person that can't function on their own. Our job as parents and grandparents is to make our babies totally self sufficient, able to take life head on.

So as I look for my baby Austin, and miss him, I can't help but be so proud of the little boy he is becoming. I hope as we all help him grow up and guide him, there will be one thing that he will always need. I want him to always need his Gigi's love and attention. And, if he ever gets the urge to crawl up in my lap and read that same book for the 430th time, I'll be waiting.