I've Been Declined

Richard does not have one of those double you over, make your eyes water laughs very often. When he does, it's usually something that I don't even consider humorous. It's hard to find a situation funny when it's at your expense and shows just how blonde your personality really is.

I was at the store today buying a few books. The sales associate had rang up my purchases, and to pay I whipped out my trusty debit card and swiped it with the finesse of "Zorro".  I put my pin number in the machine and smiled waiting on my receipt.

The girl checking me out looked up and said, I'm sorry ma'am but there seems to be a problem with your card. It is telling me you have been declined. I was shocked, and a little embarrassed that it appeared I didn't have the $29 and some odd cents in my checking account.

I pretended it wasn't bothering me in the least, that the people in line behind me were now looking around to see the poor, penniless woman. I told the checker there had to be some sort of mistake. She smiled that "you're wasting my time" smile and told me to try my card again.

I firmly swiped my card again, entered my pin number and checked it twice just to be sure it was correct. I held my breath and waited for the verdict. The girl sighed, and said ma'am your card has been declined... maybe you are over your limit. That's what she said, but what I heard was... GUILTY!  OFF WITH HER HEAD! I was horrified, mortified and humiliated.

I didn't dare turn around and try to defend or explain myself to the people in line. I could feel their stares boring holes in my back with their eyes. I just smiled sweetly at the checker and said, let me see if I've got the cash. I pulled all the cash out of my wallet, and started digging around in my purse for money that I had thrown in there a few days ago. Believe me, crawling into your purse to find some quarters, did not help dissuade the growing line of patrons that I indeed was not destitute.

I finally, to the relief of all those waiting, found enough cash to make my purchase. I took my bag of books and as inconspicuously as I could, slithered out to my car. I immediately grabbed my cell phone and called Richard at work. Squeaking and screeching, I told him what happened and asked him to call the bank to find out why I had just been declined. He agreed with me that we did indeed have enough money in our checking account for books and he would make the call.

A couple of minutes later Richard called back and said he was told there was nothing in their computer system showing that I had even tried to make a purchase much less been rejected. They said it must have been the store's machine, but just to make sure it wasn't my card, go by the ATM and make a withdrawal.

As shocking as it seems, I have never used an ATM before. So the whole time I'm driving to the bank to use their ATM, I'm whining about how I don't know what to do or how to do it. I pull up to the ATM and call Richard back so he could coach me through the process. Yes, I know most people would have less stress having a kidney removed, but Richard is used to my "I've never done it before" phobias.

With Richard on speaker phone and my debit card in hand, I hung out the car window to get an up-close view of the ATM screen. Richard tells me, just slip the card in the slot, then it will ask you what you want to do. Well, I stuck the card in the slot and nothing happened, so I stuck it in again, and again... still nothing. I'm now bent out the window yelling to Richard on speaker phone, IT WON'T GO IN... IT WON'T GO IN!!

Richard is telling me, well... turn the card over, turn the card around, just figure out a way for it to take the card!  So as I'm loudly saying, I'M PUSHING... I'M PUSHING IT IN!...  all of a sudden I yell, IT JUST GOT SUCKED IN! Richard says, finally... that's what is suppose to happen.

Now, take your card back and follow the instructions on the screen. I somehow did manage to get $20.00 to shoot out of machine. I don't know whether I actually did it right, or someone inside the bank watching on the surveillance camera, just shot out twenty bucks for the comedy show.

Tonight when Richard was reliving the events of the afternoon, he was laughing hysterically at the fact that no one has the trouble that I seem to have. Then to top it all off he asks, when you were at the store, why didn't you just write a check or use one of the credit cards? Well, that would have been way to easy now wouldn't it?

Excuse me now while I go freshen up my blonde hair.