Booze Bruise

My friend Jennifer, who I haven't seen in two years, is coming to my house for a reunion. We have so much to catch up on that it just couldn't be done on the telephone. So much to say and so little time!

I went to the grocery store looking for all kinds of goodies that two girls who were going to stay up all night talking would want to munch on. I was throwing all sorts of junk food into the basket when I ended up in the frozen foods aisle. As I was looking up and down waiting for something to scream "Buy me, Buy me", I came upon the frozen drinks. There was the frozen orange juice, lemonade, limeade, apple juice....and there they were, the frozen cans of pina colada mix, margarita mix and strawberry daiquiri mix. The section of pina colada mixes were stocked full and the section of margarita mix were stocked full, but the section of strawberry daiquiri mix was almost empty. On the top shelf of the upright freezer were two lonely cans of strawberry daiquiri mix. Now I'm not a drinker, not that there is anything wrong with that, but I just do not like the taste of alcohol. Until they make alcohol taste like Dr. Pepper, I am not worried about becoming an alcoholic. As the light bulb went on over my head, and I realized I could leave out the rum, and since I am a fan of Slushies and Icees, I was in business. What a great idea! Since the daiquiris were almost sold out, I stood there thinking, "those strawberry daiquiris must be delicious. They are so good people must have been fighting over them. The only reason there are only two left is because someone didn't see them. I better grab them quick. How lucky am I!?!"

As I opened the freezer and reached up to grab the last two cans before anyone else could, I realized that even my long, gorilla type arms could not quite reach the cans. I stood there analyzing the problem with the freezer door resting on my, ...umm... extremely padded backside, when I decided to step up into the freezer. I am not a petite person by any standard. At 5'10" I was quite a sight with my whole body standing on the bottom of the freezer, body plastered against the shelves, one arm hanging on and the other straining to reach for the prized cans of frozen daiquiris. My arm outstretched, with fingers wiggling was just a fraction of an inch short of grabbing the icy treat. So I'm embarrassed to say the only other solution was to start jumping up and down. With each jump, the underside of my arm was being whacked into the cold shelf. Each time my arm came down hard, and as I winced I said, "Oh, that's gonna leave a mark". After much jumping and flailing about, I finally did it. The frozen cans were in my cold blue fingers and they were mine. I proudly put them into my basket and turned to rush home with my treasure.

I cannot imagine what the people watching me must have been thinking. They could have only assumed I was having a frozen strawberry daiquiri emergency and needed those cans really bad. I'm surprised a crowd didn't gather just to watch the spectacle and applaud at my victory. When I got home and surveyed my wounds, I had two black and blue lines to show for all my trouble. I've had lots of injuries over my clumsy life but this is the first time I've had a "Booze Bruise". Sometimes you just gotta do, what you gotta do.